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| I'm writing a book, and some how threw this hell. It's inspired me to write.. Write things i never plan on writing about. I always wanted a cool interesting book. Maybe this one doesn't have to be so normal?
check it out.
http://www.xanga.com/iwillspeakformyself
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|  Hmm...Were every you take me. I'm sure I'm meant to be there. I don't understand life, cuz i learn theres so many more things then just living. But those things just go around life. To many problems, to many thoughts. Love is a empty box. And I'm not even gonna cry about the greyness filling it up. I don't know the meaning of it. And I want no part of it. I'm growing up learning how people can hate you and not know a damn thing. But why should i be sad over these minor things. Theres no need to give up.<3
I have a lot to do, I don't wanna sit here and write anymore.
Time to grow, time to change.
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| I have it bad.
What is there more to say?
I miss the things we've done. It's just a memory now. That makes my mind go mush. I can't handle being alone. We have are own roads & our own way out of this town. My body can't move, my heart can't breathe. My common sense couldn't wait, it's already left this place. The things i wanted to say to you never came out. I only have a bit of love left. And it's not healing cuz you left me speechless. I finally had a word in and then my heart crashed. Do i make the first move or do you? We can't talk. We can't look. If we saw each other we'd probably look the other way. We both know if are eyes meet we'll see hurt. But if they do. I'll freeze and look the other way. We'll see the hurt in our eyes that well scar us for life.
-me
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| I hate love.
I haven't been able to believe in the word love. Or trust it. Sure it's great, but when things are done. Your left with yourself. Wow it's weird. It's like we're living too different lives. We never see each other & we rarely hardly talk. In my book that I'm reading this girl has so much to look forward too. The story has cute little crush love parts. Something I can remember but never held on too. My New Years was awesome drowning in my own little world of fast lane drivers. I saw my dad on Christmas. Wow surprisingly i didn't cry. I didn't cry til a couple days before school started. I remember, i remember everything.
I remember how we hurt each other i wonder if he looks down on me when i sleep. And i think about everything i did. If only i knew the things i know today. I wish i did...love him like I'll never see him again. Blahhh all i need is a dream a sign of him, telling me it's okay to move on...& forget. But we all know forgetting is so hard.
If you read this thanks. :] means a lot.
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| I decided to write a note to god.
Why? Lately I've been losing hope, and my train of thought. I don't know what's wrong with me. But i decided i should turn to him in my time of need.<3
Dear god, why have my life always been so hard. My father, my friends, my family & my life. No one sees inside of this wall i put up. I hope you forgive me, I have disobeyed you. I've turned my back on you. And gotten lost in this cold, harsh world. I can't forget my past. And I've lately been loosing hope and has been in a negative train of thought. I've been not wanting to do anything. The love of my life for a moment came back & I found no joy in it. I'm sorry for cursing but I'm tired of the bull shit. Happiness is so hard to find rite now. But tho i do wish to pro sue it. Why God, choose to make my life so complex....I'll never know unless I'm a live. To see what will happen next. God, I need you to give things that I cannot find in my life. I do not believe in love and I do not think that's either of our fault. Love has been having a big impact in my life. You showed me amazing people who did loved me & you let me learn from it. But love has made me feel loneliness & richer (greater). Skipping love, why must those you've have created judge me? Don't they know only my lord and savior can judge me and my doings. Help me, help my family find our way. I wish, hate would go away, i wished that people who talk trash just go away. I know you know that most of the time i wish i could disappear. You've made my life feel blessed and you've made me discover things I never knew i would love.
Thank you. And Jesus name I pray Amen.
Give us the strength to make it through. Help us find love cause love is over due. And it looks like we haven't got a clue. Need some help from you. Grant us the faith to carry on. Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone. Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong. On this road we're on.
-jojo.
Ugh i just wish i can fall asleep and wake up and everything be okay<3
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